I swear that today is the day
that I will develope a plan
so diabolical and evil
I will CRUSH the world.
But FIRST.

I must attend to the dishes that I have soiled with the food I that I have eaten.

Just got back from chalet this afternoon. And I pronounce this weekend to be a very conntradicting one, with good things happening and lotsa bad shit surfacing. Which ultimately still kills.

Here I count my unblessings.

For once there will be no pictures, as I had forgotten to bring my camera.

Dawg's not eating.

My creative writing tutor said I was a confused person with interesting insights to life, after reading some stuff I printed off my blog to hand up as a journal.

People disappointed me. I disappointed people.

My believe system is wavering on the edge of crashing. People ALWAYS turn out not to be what I perceive them to be (good). When I was damn high that night, my body off-ed my automatic-self-defence mechanism, and I couldn't pretend that everything was a little better than it actually was anymore. Thanks to James and Nick for holding me when I needed holding, and literally when I needed holding up. And Gerald and Berji who came and said some things that helped. Love you all, really.

I do know things would get better. Even in this warm and thick shit I swim in right now, I see the possibility of better days.. Morever, I see people in worse situations. This afternoon, I was telling Nick that friends are so important but sometimes it boils down to depending on yourself. I guess what I meant was that I realize that my problems are mostly internal. This means that only I can solve them. Which can be a good thing, as well as bad.

Sigh. I conclude that 19 year old is NOT a good age.

-wiggles toes- Promise. to. get. better. To whom am I promising?