Have you ever despised yourself? Recently, I really let things happening around me get to me. Yesterday, someone whom I thought respected me, judged me. He does not have a clue what I am going through and how I feel and he judged me. I could have ignored it, but my body chose to give in. I fainted. For real.. I got so mad I felt my brains do weird lunging motions in its own juice and I blacked out.

What to do when you have no idea what to do about something that you really care about? When your mind gives up on you and is unable to make a decision? You let you heart do the talking.. And you'd be surprised what it makes you say.

I feel damn sick. Knowing that I am typing this and the buster might be judging me for what I am saying. He doesn't know a thing about my life anymore and he judges me. How can I ever say anything without having to stop to think of what his highness with his prissy poems and egoistic comments might say? Friends? Proved to me what they can do. Lover? Directionless, dying love. Life has lost its bloody meaning for me.